


Oh, sweet boy of mine

by MickeyMouse99



Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Deviates From Canon, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV First Person, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MickeyMouse99/pseuds/MickeyMouse99
Summary: An epistolary story on being afraid, feeling lost and love painfully.
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	Oh, sweet boy of mine

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Oh, dulce niño mío](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23008741) by [vvatios](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvatios/pseuds/vvatios)



**To Mr. Finkel Freddy**

**Heil Hitler!**

This is an official order to your transfer to Captain Klenzendorf squad. 

We’ll expect you to be here on Monday the 7th. 

Attached you’ll find a list of all your duties, the address to your new camp with all the specifics and a letter written by the Captain himself. 

Heil Hitler! 

Ada 

**Secretary to Chief Commander Klugen**

_Heil Hitler Mr. Frinkler,_

__

__

I’m glad to hear you’ll soon join our team. 

Even though this is not the front line, this job will be very important! Teaching our younglings to be proper men and therefore impeccable soldiers is fundamental to our Reich. 

I’ve spoken to your previous Captain, and he’s told me about your glorious service; we need more resolute boys like you in the army! 

We’ll meet each other soon. 

Heil Hitler! 

_Captain Klenzerdorf._

_To Mr. Finkel_

Heil Hitler! 

I must congratulate you on your recent work. Since you’ve joined us, our efficiency has improved. 

I’ve also heard that your spirit has boosted the morale of our men! 

If you keep working this well, I’m sure even the Fuhrer will know your name one day. 

Good Job! 

_Captain Klenzerdorf_

_Heil Hitler Mr Frinkler!_

I’ll be brief: you must have heard that I have to go away for a few days. 

As of today I still haven’t found a suitable candidate for the position of my second-in-commando, so I’ve decided that you’ll oversee our soldiers while I’m gone. 

Think of this as a test. 

I know you’ll do a great job. 

Now I must go, we’ll talk again when I’ll be back. 

_Captain K_

Freddy! 

This knife is a small gift to show my gratitude and appreciation for the amazing work you’ve done so far. 

I hope you’ll enjoy it. 

_Captain K_

_Freddy,_

Anita found a recipe for that stew you were talking about the other day. 

I’d be glad to taste it with you. 

Saturday at 18:00 in my quarters. 

Don’t be late or I’ll demote you! 

Just kidding 

_Captain K_

_Freddy!_

As you know, I’m in Berlin to speak to my superior officers. 

I can’t be specific, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be back bringing great news. 

I’ll come back soon. 

_Captain K_

_Freddy,_

Thanks for the update, it was very well written. I don’t think I congratulate you enough for your work. 

You’re essential to me. 

Therefore, I’m promoting you to my second-in-commando. 

I wanted to tell you this face to face, but this awful weather has tucked me in Berlin for at least another couple of days: a bridge has collapsed during the storm and from my understanding, we can’t take any other route. 

Please, don’t tell the news to the other boys, I must be the one to declare your new status. 

There will be a small ceremony and everything. 

If you’d like we can celebrate the moment with a nice bottle of whiskey. 

_Captain K_

P.s. I’ve bought a little something for you. Can’t wait to give it to you, I want to see your face when you open it. 

_Freddy,_

I can’t say this but I feel you must know. 

I know that Captain Hansel has offered you a better position, closer to the front line and with better pay, but I must beg you to please reject his proposition. 

I could not bear to be without you. You’re my second and I need you! 

Please don’t go. Think about all this time we spent working together, close to one another. 

Freddy I must beg you to carefully consider staying here. I know it would be a disadvantage to you but please... I just need... 

I hope this message reaches you before you’ve made your decision. 

_K_

_Dear Freddy,_

I must confess something. 

Now I can’t kneel before you and ask forgiveness for my sins, but you, like a preacher, will have to read my words and must accept my admissions of guilt. 

My darling boy, I feel for you. 

I feel for you something that goes beyond admiration, sympathy, comradeship or friendship. 

My soul feels for yours in a way that when you’re not there it demands your return. 

When we’re apart it aches in agony and yet it knows that just a mere sight of you will nourish this hunger. 

I tried to come to my senses many times before, knowing that such feelings for someone like you from someone like me are unnatural and wrong, however, I cannot keep this to myself any longer. 

My hands have never written more difficult words than these. 

If your feelings are somewhat similar, I beg you to burn this letter and tomorrow morning when you’ll come into my office tell me that my mother has sent me a birthday present. 

Otherwise, you can deliver this letter to the Gestapo and – if I get to tomorrow - tell me that my father has died. Nobody will suspect anything if I’ll keep to myself for the rest of the day, while I wait for my destiny to fulfill itself. 

Either way, I promise I won’t run. Whether is dead, a camp or you’re love, I’ll deal with what my future will bring to me. 

I’m just so tired. 

I don’t think I’ve ever anticipated the morning lights more in my entire life. 

_K_

_Dear Freddy,_

You make me the happiest man on earth. 

Your silliness, your jokes, and your friendship are like food to my starving heart; but the thing I love the most is your smile: when you do it I can’t stop myself from looking at your face and admire each and every detail. The wrinkles that form just next to your eyes, how your cheeks sometimes turn pink and your lips, oh, your lips! 

Those soft and rosy lips! I’ve just started to know how they feel against mine, so soft and tender and how swollen they are after we have spent time kissing like teenagers, after I’ve sucked, licked and bit them. 

I swear every time we are together I have to pray to God to give me the strength not to smile, not to run towards you and hug you. It takes everything to strain me from cupping your face with my hands, kiss you first so slightly and then more passionately. Tasting you, feeling you. 

This thing between us is just at the beginning yet I feel like I’ve known you this way forever. 

When I’m with you everything makes sense and I always feel at home. Especially in your arms. 

_Yours,_

_K_

_My dear boy,_

I’ve lost time of how long we’ve been together this way. Has it been days? Weeks? Months? 

The war is harsh on us, I know, and I hope that our love heals your pains as much as it does with mine. 

When I’m with you, nothing else matters, nor the bombings, nor the starvation, not even the Fuhrer himself. 

Every time we are close I feel like nothing is separating the two of us, nor air nor clothes. In those times I know we’re one. Our flesh bounds together and I feel your hand around my heart like it’s there. 

And it hurts sometimes because I know, my love, that if you wanted you could simply walk away with it, leaving me with a bleeding hole in my chest. God knows I would let you. I would just stand there and let you destroy me, taking every piece of me until there’s nothing left. 

I know sometimes, when it gets harder, you fear that you’ll never be enough for me, that I’d leave you any second. I see the jealousy that haunts you each time a boy comes into my study, whether it is for communicating an order or just taking some papers. I must tell you that letting you do is impossible to me. 

Freddy, I swear on my life that I love you and I know, deep inside my heart, that I will only love you. 

I am totally and unconditionally yours, to do what you wish. 

I feel a slave for you, you every wish is my command. 

I would never hesitate for you. 

_Yours,_

_K_

_Oh, sweet boy of mine, what could I ever do without you?_

Your voice for me is a nourishing balm that makes all my wounds disappear. 

Freddy, you’re like my personal Sun, each thing revolves around you and when you’re gone there’s only darkness and frost. 

Before meeting you, my world was black and white and you brought color to everything. 

I feel like I’ve always been numb ‘til I kissed you for the first time: now I can hear the music and taste the food and see the world with such an intensity that I’ve never had before. 

My love for you it’s almost desperate: you’re the bed I sleep in at night, the fork I use to eat, the wine I drink, the cigarettes I smoke, the clothes I wear... You’re my everything. 

I’m drunk on your love. 

This is why now that I’ve lost you, nothing will ever be the same. 

The birds will never sing again, the flowers will never blossom, the stars will never shine and the spring will never come; for you will never be here to witness this. 

Everything mourns for your loss. 

I mourn for your loss. 

All I can think right now is your rotting flesh, buried somewhere in the fields with the other hundreds of soldiers who died during the battle. 

Now maggots only maggots will know your taste, as they feast on your cold and lifeless body, a body that was never truly mine. 

The memories I’ve left of you are not enough to ease my agony. 

I’ve been tortured and hunted by dreams of you, of how I’ve lost you. 

I replay again and again that moment in my mind, tormenting myself, thinking of how Ic could have saved you. 

I am a desperate man now, wanting only to rejoin you in the afterlife. 

I hope my atrocious actions will bring us together; I must tell you, my love, that whatever the outcome will be, even if nothing will be there for me on the other side, I know that the emptiness will be more bearable than this. 

Now please look away my love. 

_Forever yours,_

_K_

**Author's Note:**

> I do not support or condone Nazism in any way.  
> I tried to be as close to the original carahcters as I could.


End file.
